lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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