I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
