Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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