You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
