We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
