I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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