I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Bring me that man meat
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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