All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
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