Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
