I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Randomize
