Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
