I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We just shotgunned beers for America
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
