omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize