you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
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