Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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