Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
