Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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