Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
