paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
