it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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