I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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