I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
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