wanna go halves on a baby?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize