His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize