if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
