I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Text me some of your sweat
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
