I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
