"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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