Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize