I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Come share oat with me in your robe
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
