I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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