Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
