I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Randomize
