i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
