I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
