Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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