Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My dick has a subreddit
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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