As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
