Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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