We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
