Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
