Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize