Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
