i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
