I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
