dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
