Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
