Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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