If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
