I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize