Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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