only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
