Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
