you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
