I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
