Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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