i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
