so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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