just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
there's paper in my vomit.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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