but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
