I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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