ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
