hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize