i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
ok first of all what the fuck
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
