and next time when you feel me up, do it right
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
did you just send me my own nude
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
