I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
