ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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