Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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